Hello, I'm very sorry about the last rant in my last journal, I never thought it could get any worse but it seems like fate wanted to show me surprisingly the possibilty, that life can get worse.
My fathers mother died yesterday. I never really liked her that much, so hearing the news that she was dead wouldn't be that shocking if it wasn't my fathers mom. He cried like he never did before, I mean, after all, she was his mother, no matter how rude and egoistic she was. She still had a little space in her heart for him.
Watching your beloved father crying for the first time in front of you makes you feel not only uncomfortable but also helpless.
Not knowing how to comfort your parent in the darkest hour made me feel useless and helpless.
That feeling is aweful, it infects your whole being.
I can understand, how my father feels right now at the moment. To know, that, whenever you're going to travel back to your home country, you won't see your mother ever again, is the worst.
To be honest, I don't really know how to cope with this situation. Whenever I try to get into normality, it just jumps back like a rubber band and it feels like the darkness and the sadness are crawling again in your life. Life just seems to be blurry and grey (even if I hardly try to make it a bit colourful) and it feels like this "greyness" developes itself into a black hole (the hoover in the universe).
Is there anyone, who could help me?
(BTW, my dad's going back to india on sunday this week to his mothers funeral, so that mean, the depressive mood will also fade away probably after his departure)
Listening to: Chopin - Raindrops
Reading: Harry Potter and the deathly hollows